Funny

19 Things You’ve Tried Or Said If You Are Health Obsessed

By Desta Cullen - 04 Mar 2016

It feels like the whole world is health and fitness obsessed these days.

Heck, there’s a bazillion dollar industry (disclaimer: not an accurate stat, but we’re sure it’s a lot) built around that very obsession: if you aren’t trying some new fad or trend, you’re probably talking about, making sauerkraut, stocking up on coconut milk, or spending every waking moment planning your workout and menu prep.

As is our duty, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to list 19 sweepingly-generalised things you’ve probably said or done, if you are a lycra-clad, Fit-Bit-toting health nut.

1. “I’ll definitely be motivated to exercise more if I buy that pair of tights/cute outfit.”

2. You’ve tried every smoothie/green juice concoction under the sun. And you can rank them in order of enjoyability.

3. “What’s the difference between shredding and bulking?”

4. “Sometimes I think about becoming paleo/vegan/vegetarian/ketogenic.”

5. After trying the latest health food fad for the first time: “This actually tastes really good!”

6. You’ve dabbled in HIIT training. And cross-fit.

7. And yoga. Oh, swimming too.

8. “I think my gut health is all out of whack. I’m going to make some kimchi.”

9. “WTF is lagree?”

10. “Have you heard about amaranth [insert newest ancient grain/seed with superfood status]?”

11. “Do you lift?”

12. “I HATE you, burpees.”

13. You’ve tried the lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper diet… Before realising you love food too much, and carrying on as you were.

14. “This is my last burger for ages.”

15. “Next week: that’s when the workout starts.”

16. “I think I burned out my blender.”

17. “I’m never drinking again.” Said after a late-night bender, on the way to your 6am PT sesh.

18. “I think my adrenals are burned out from too much coffee.”

19. “Can I have that on coconut milk?”

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