If you're the kind of guy who jams with chia pudding, drops it low with the bircher, and can appreciate an activated almond, you're going to hate this list so read this list of vego and vegan Brisbane breakfasts instead..
It's no secret we Australians love our 'big' attractions and the same is true of our breakfasts. What better to sooth our hangovers, warm our cockles and ease us back into harsh waking reality than the delicious, comforting fry-up with all the fixings?
But don't go settling for less than epic. If you're truly grappling with a Brisbane appetite, you want a hefty mongrel of a breakfast. You need something that makes skipping the midnight snack worth it. You want the kind of burly feast that comes presented in a satellite dish. You want the kind of lavish feed that's garnish casts shadows on other diners… and we've got just the stuff.
Winter is no time for kale, so kick it to the curb and get your feast on, because you son, are a capital B Baller. Straight up.
These are our picks of the best big Brisbane breakfasts.
The Burrow | West End
Hard night on the sauce? Needing some cooked up comfort to ease you back into civility? The Burrow understands. They've whipped you up a jazzy hangover cure and invited all the usual suspects; black-forest bacon, free-range organic eggs cooked your way, malt bread toast, ranchero beans, roast mushrooms, grilled chorizo and a potato hash. And chase it down with a Red Queens Virgin Mary shooter. The quaintly named 'Off With Your Head' will surely fix yours.
Shouk Cafe | Paddington
The Jackson — aptly named, 'cause you'd need five mouths to chow through it — includes two eggs done your way, merguez sausage, bacon, herb roasted tomato, garlic butter braised kale —don't judge — latke, and two slabs of toasted sourdough. If you haven't been to try the Middle Eastern breakfast mecca that is Shouk yet, you need to get your act together.
Little Larder | New Farm
The Larder may be on the small side, but this classic fry up is not. The Lot breakfast includes eggs, bacon, sausages, mushroom, hash browns, onion, tomato on toast.
Balfour Kitchen | New Farm
This one's a seam splitter, so equip yourself with an elasticated waist. The Balfour's big breakfast comes with grilled bacon, potato hash, poached egg, grilled mushrooms, smokey tomato onion jam, and pork and fennel chipolatas — a Brisbane breakfast to put hairs on your chest.
Comfort At My Table | Milton
Milton favourite, Comfort at My Table does a one pan fry up with literally everything your greedy heart could desire for breakfast; bacon, thyme roasted portobello mushrooms, pork and fennel sausage, one fried egg with cranberry relish, seeded mustard, rocket, slice of toasted multigrain, and a partridge in a pear tree.
Francie Mays | Fortitude Valley
You've heard of tiger mothers, right? Well this is the tiger mother of Brisbane breakfasts. Francie Mays' Tiger Lady Big Breakfast is a scarily delish array of breakfast fare: Lime and Thai basil sausages, bacon, tomatoes, baked beans, mushrooms, house-made hash browns, eggs, and turkish, all yours. Get your claws into it!
Cafe O-Mai | Annerley
My O mai, these guys know what they're doing when it comes to big Brisbane breakfasts. Cafe O-Mai's Phat breakfast has an oriental twist; eggs your way, lemongrass chilli pork sausage, bacon, sautéed mushroom, roast tomato, sweet potato cake, and sourdough
Famished on Frasers | Ashgrove
Famished's big breakfast is a solid feed, served on a solid wooden board — a man's man's meal, if ever there was one. Wash this Brisbane breakfast down with a mug of coffee the size of a baby's head and you're sorted, until lunch time at least.
The Pepper Lounge | Jindalee
The 'All or Nothing' at The Pepper Lounge is a traditional big breakfast of fried eggs, sautéed mushrooms, bacon, sausages, roasted tomato, hash brown, and thick cut toast. As the name suggests you take it or leave it, but we recommend you take it.
Timber Cabin & Coffee House | Stones Corner
If you're like most lumberjacks, you've been feeling a bit down lately. All the beards and flannel that have been flying around have forced you into the mainstream, and I bet you don't like it one bit. Fuel up for a day of tree-felling with Timber Cabin's lumberjack breakfast, made just for you, and show those posers what's what.
Au Cirque | New Farm
Hungover Brisbane breakfasters have delighted in the circular smattering of breakfast delights that is Au Cirque's Chowdown for years (the potato hash, in particular, is a winner). It's vegetarian fellow, The Vego Chowdown, is no less appealing, if a tad less greasy.
Lurleen's | Mount Cotton
Fancy a big, extravagant breakfast in the country? Take a drive to Lurleen's — Sirromet Winery's in-house restaurant — on a Saturday or Sunday and sit down to a table-groaning big (and uber deluxe) brekky: The Once in a Lifetime, consisting of steamed fresh half lobster, Tasmanian smoked salmon, asparagus, truffle, soft poached eggs, Australian salmon caviar, toasted English muffin, and hollandaise. Then, when you've finished the lot, blame it on the country air.
Plum Tucker | Red Hill
Don't like anything you see? Too much spinach and not enough bacon? Swing by Plum Tucker and customise your brekky with their make-your-own menu of fixings.
Have we missed your favourite big Brisbane breakfast? Let us know in the comments below!
Image credit: Electric Dose