Funny

Everything You Were Thinking About The Bachie Finale, But Didn’t Know How To Say

By Sophie Colvin - 16 Sep 2016

the-bachelor

Oh, Richie, Richie, Richie. Where to start. I’m not angry with you, I’m just disappointed. I’m not disappointed in you, I’m disappointed for you…. All my favourite ‘mum’ lines are so apt for how royally you’ve effed up.

Here's everything you’ve all been thinking but can’t articulate, distilled into a few dot points. 

  • The biggest crime of the night was Alex’s dress.
  • It was really cruel of Channel 10 producers to show so, so, sooooo much footage of Nikki pouring her heart out about Rich being ‘the one’. Like, they could’ve at least toned that down.
  • Richie is now stuck with that excited baby voice for a good long while. (I’m pretty sure Channel 10 would’ve made him agree to stay with the winner for a while, if the Blake saga has taught us anything).
  • Nikki, will you marry me?
  • Why / how the hell did we go through a whole season without hearing the phrase ‘cool bananas’?
  • Since when has some cheesy poem been a clincher?
  • That poem wasn’t any better the second time, Alex.
  • Who knew, the secret to love was to have a kid?
  • Has there ever been anyone more gracious in defeat? That car scene…
  • We defs haven’t seen the last of Nikki.
  • Who chose Alex’s jewellery?
  • That ‘non engagement’ ring was only marginally better than the burger ring of ‘15.
  • Who let Alex wear a side braid with slut straps at the front? I had a flash-back to year eight disco.
  • Are the bookies taking bets yet on how long this Alex-Richie rendezvous will last.
  • Nikki for Bachelorette 2017!

Image credit: Channel 10 

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