Style & Design

Plot Twist | Here’s What Your Jeans Actually Say About You

By Mona Chatskin - 28 Jun 2018

Jeans are probably the most useful invention since sliced bread. We all buy them, wear them, and hell, some of us even stick them in our freezer.

But do the jeans maketh the (wo)man? Well, we’re here to tell you exactly what your jeans say about you—the big question is, are they telling the truth?

 

Don’t worry, gals. Just because you wear these loose-fitting jeans, it doesn’t mean you’re beholden to their name. It takes a serious trendsetter to rock these (trust me, I’ve tried and failed miserably). You’re strong, independent, and don’t need no man. You’ve got yourself some irreplaceable denim. Best bit? They won’t let you down after you eat the whole tub of Ben and Jerry’s #worthit.

 

Ah yes, the classic skinny jean, the most popular jean for millennials (and it’s pretty obvi as to why). These babies can make just about anyone looked toned, even if they’ve recently gorged on 15 doughnuts. This one’s for minimalists that love to show off their assets, and why the hell not?! You’re probably also likely to be found sipping on a skinny latte while sporting those Adidas Superstars (oh yeah, we see you).

Although nostalgia wouldn’t have referred to these babies in the fondest of ways, these bad boys have made a solid comeback. So be sure not to get offended when people assume mom jeans aren’t stylish, they just don’t understand the #fashun. This is the jean for the ultimate hipster, which makes you automatically cool… Right? Wear these and you’ll be sipping on every colourful latte your city has to offer in no time.

Uh oh, we’ve got a badass over here. While jeans with rips may be 90s grunge, they also tend to elicit dad jokes—“Did you fall and rip them accidentally?”, “Did you just run out of fabric?”—Even though just about every basic gal wears them, you refuse to believe you’re a conformist. Instead, you wear your rips with pride, and they show the world you’ve got a little rebelliousness left in you (even if a squillion other girls do too).

In 2018 these aren’t just for someone that’s come back from Splendour. Now a permanent fixture on the ‘gram, the flare takes a very special type of cool kid to pull it off. If you’re seen rocking a pair of these threads then we’re willing to bet you aren’t afraid of taking risks and push new trends to the limit. We’d expect to find you meandering down Brunswick Street (or your nearest local equivalent) in search of a perfect vintage jacket to match with your flares. Because at the end of the day you’re all about being #indie.

If you’re still wearing jeggings, we *strongly* recommend updating your wardrobe. These were definitely all the rage in the noughties, but it’s time to move forth and prosper. You like reminiscing for those nostalgic moments. While we commend your sense of yearning, you should use that ace memory for things worthy of your time. And jeggings, well, they should go down the same path as Myspace. 

Every girl has a sneaky pair of these. Whether you’re going out and need a pair to match your crop top, or you’re planning on having an epic feed (you know what we’re talking about) – these gems are a classic. You can wear them with anything and most importantly, anywhere. If you’re a proud owner of high waisted jeans, you’re a practical thinker. A genius, if you will.  

These are for the days you dream of wearing leggings with your sneakers, but you’re imploring yourself not to. Black jeans also make the perf companion for smart casual attire, so kudos to you for owning a pair. These jeans are perfect to show your darker, more serious side. They’re also extremely good at hiding the inevitable Friday night red wine stain.

As a short girl myself, I know that ankle crop jeans make for the perfect length pants if you’re under 5”3. Alternatively, if you aren’t a tiny human, you can wear them at their intended length—probably the much wiser/nicer option. Ankle crop jeans are great for channelling those summer vibes. You’re a free spirit with a constant desire to wander, and they’re great to pair with pretty much every type of footwear.

Ah yes, yet another style of jeans that your average girl can’t pull off. It takes a brave kinda’ soul to don these. You obvs like making a statement, and also probably like drawing some attention to yourself. Good on you. We need more loud voices in the world. While they’re definitely unique, you can also guarantee you won’t be forgotten. 

For more Style & Design inspo head here.

Design credit: Sarah Law

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