Funny

229 Thoughts We Had While Watching The Gilmore Girls Revival

By Millie Lester - 30 Nov 2016

Last Friday night, after the nine longest year of our lives, Netflix released ‘Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life’ and Gen Y collectively huddled on their Ikea modular sofas, sipping Diet Coke and shedding tears for every second Melissa McCarthy wasn’t on our screens.

Here’s what went through our minds:

  1. Aaaaaaah one minute to go, (better pop to the loo).
  2. Thank God my Crust order arrived in time.
  3. I’VE DONE MY WAITING, 9 YEARS OF IT.
  4. These voice-overs would’ve triggered more nostalgia if I hadn’t watched the entire series last month.
  5. That opening scene was superbly choreographed.
  6. LOVING Rory’s thirty-something hair.
  7. Also, glad her voice has finally broken.
  8. $20 says Ms Patty is the face of Jenny Craig by midday tomorrow.
  9. Stars Hollow looks fking beautiful.
  10. Shaynna Blaze would give it a four though because that rubbish bin is definitely from Kmart.
  11. Kirk is… sort of hot now?
  12. But still a button short of a cardigan.
  13. Ohmagawd it’s the town troubadour, I wonder how much they paid him to come back.
  14. Lauren Graham probably just gave him 50 bucks and high five.
  15. I’d come back for less.
  16. I hope the person that put up all those Christmas decorations got a tidy mill though.
  17. Paul Anka must be 6000 in dog years.
  18. Rory has a new boyf!! #TeamPaul?
  19. Rory’s lack of career direction is extremely comforting.
  20. Aaaaaaaay, Michel has a hussssbaaaand. #disappointinglydelayeddiversity
  21. This 6-minute exchange between Michel and Lorelai is just a really roundabout way of saying the producers spent way too much money on Christmas decorations instead of budgeting for Melissa McCarthy.
  22. Emily doesn’t look a day over 35.
  23. Richard’s portrait cost more than my education.
  24. Wait. Did Lorelai lose her virginity when she was 9??
  25. Emily may be a lady in mourning, but she is still a red-hot savage at the dinner table.
  26. I thought April died in season 7.
  27. Have Luke and Lorelai seriously spent ten years together without talking about kids?
  28. How did they get all the way to the clinic without even discussing the concept of surrogacy??
  29. Paris!!!
  30. Paris yass Paris SLAAAY.
  31. Can someone please explain surrogacy to Luke.
  32. River Song is here to save Rory!
  33. Stick her in the Pandorica for 6 billion years, River!
  34. Logan whaaaat?! What about Paul?? He gave Luke a wrench!
  35. Cheater, cheater, compulsive reader.
  36. Taylor and Luke, name a more iconic duo.
  37. Wait; Steve and Quan.
  38. Zach doesn’t look a day younger than 105.
  39. What is that company Rory keeps saying?
  40. Hep Alien are the original Stiff Dylans.
  41. Is Emily wearing a t-shirt??
  42. Seriously, Emily’s bone density is through the floor, someone get this woman a glass of milk.
  43. Rory gotta get herself a man with some #bodyshippingcash.
  44. #GypsyIsBerta
  45. Lorelai is so happy that Emily’s happy.
  46. But Emily’s not happy, she’s just faking so Lorelai will come to therapy and hear all the ways she’s been a shit daughter. This ain’t her first rodeo.
  47. WHERE YOU LEAD, I WILL FO-wait, what is this closing song? I don’t recognise it.
  48. I’m not even going to take a toilet break, hit me with the second ep.
  49. Seriously, where the hell is the theme song?
  50. Did they blow that budget on Christmas decorations as well?
  51. Alanis Morissette reference. #10pointstogriffyndor
  52. I’m glad Emily’s hair has chilled TF out in the last decade.
  53. Ain’t no party like a Stars Hollow international spring food festival party.
  54. Taylor & Kirk would be such a power couple.
  55. Mrs Kim is the dankest most boss biatch in the whole show.
  56. If Rory accepted as many jobs as she turned down, she could stop paying for her flights in Monopoly money.
  57. #GypsyIsBerta
  58. MR KIM WAAAAAAAAATTTTTT??
  59. “Hey, it’s my dad!” should have been the ‘last four words’.
  60. Hey Jackson. GIVE ME MELISSA MCCARTHY, JACKSON.
  61. River Song needs to calm TF down.
  62. Logan ordered a basket of fries for the table. You hang onto that one, Rory. No matter how much he tries to marry his fiancé.
  63. Hey! Mitchum Huntzberger knows Condaynass.
  64. He wants to help her get a meeting at Condaynass.
  65. Stars Hollow has gone from 0-gay in 5 seconds.
  66. If they say ‘gay’ enough times in this episode, it’ll definitely make up for the lack of queer representation in the last seven seasons.
  67. Taylor’s staying in the closet though. It’s ok, we’ll wait.
  68. Michel’s monologues really break up Lorelai’s monologues.
  69. If Lorelai & Emily aren’t bffs by the end of this, I’ll sue.
  70. I’ll also sue if Emily’s BMI doesn’t increase by more than four points.
  71. Seriously what has Rory been doing for 10 years?
  72. How can she afford to fly between continents?
  73. Get TF out of Melissa McCarthy’s kitchen, Rachel.
  74. Has Rory not told Luke that you never turn down large sums of money from rich people?
  75. The Chilton headmaster is such a c***.
  76. Rory would make such a good teacher. Look at Headmaster Chuntston; he’s thinking it too.
  77. EXCUSE ME. IS RORY TURNING DOWN ANOTHER FULL TIME JOB?
  78. CAN SOMEONE GET THIS BISH A PERSPECTIVE PLEASE.
  79. Logan is talking to Rory while nakey O-debt is asleep in bed next to him, lucky she doesn’t have ears or eyes (??)
  80. Condaynass.
  81. Hey, it’s Condaynass!
  82. Rory can’t understand why they’re not offering her a job, everyone else is.
  83. There are so many smart phones in this season; it’s like being on the city-loop.
  84. I hope Caesar’s gone up a pay bracket since 2007.
  85.  Luke and Lorelai haven’t had a single affectionate exchange so far.
  86. So Rory’s accepting the job that’s not going to pay her a single cent.
  87. Condaynass.
  88. OK, I’ve just turned the subtitles on and rewound, bear with me.
  89. IT’S CONDÉ NAST.
  90. Rory’s only inviting her mum to New York because there’s no way she could afford a hotel room on her own.
  91. Rory’s falling asleep on the only real job she’s had in months
  92. IT’S LAUREN GRAHAM’S DAUGHTER FROM PARENTHOOD.
  93. LORELAI CALLED HER ‘KID’, **when worlds collide**
  94. “Excuse me, what are you waiting for?”
  95. For you to accept a job so your lifestyle makes sense, Rory.
  96. Rory cheated on Paul again. #cutforPaul
  97. This kid’s next girlfriend better be Beyoncé, he deserves the world. #TeamPaul?
  98. I haven’t talked to my mum about one-night stands in phwoar, god, it must have been NEVER.
  99. Lorelai just called Rory a slut and she took it as a compliment. #yasRory
  100. Condaynass Condé Nast.
  101. Rory is being such a good sport; she’s humouring that lady at SandeeSays with an interview.
  102. Oh shit, she’s being asked questions. No one said there’d be questions at this interpview.
  103. God, it’s just hurdle after hurdle for Rory, someone give Rory a car house first class education break!
  104. Sweet, they’re ending the episode on some cryptic ancient song lyrics instead of the famous Gilmore Girls theme song.
  105. I wonder if I can put my jammies on and make a hot milo without pausing Netflix…
  106. Alright, you know it’s going to be a good ep when it opens on a weekday pool party.
  107. Guys, Rory’s not back, she’s just taking some time off unemployment to gather herself and return to turning down employment opportunities.
  108. It’s like Amy SP Googled ‘teenage stereotype’ for April’s part.
  109. How does Rory have all three phones back?? She literally tore them to pieces not one episode ago.
  110. Cool let’s call Logan again, maybe he’s not engaged anymore.
  111. Hey Rory, you can’t get mad that Logan’s fiancé move in with him. You can get mad about turning down all those jobs though.
  112. Oh no the Stars Hollow Gazette is shutting down! Somebody wake up Rory!
  113. Luke + Floaty Hut 4eva.
  114. Rory has just taken another salary-free job. Knowing her, she’ll be able to fly around the world six times with that pay cheque.
  115. Michel is so good at pretending to like children.
  116. He has absolutely no loyalty to the Dragonfly Inn though.
  117. Maybe Lorelai can offer Rory a job so she can practice turning more down.
  118. I hate when I can’t remember if I ordered a baby or not.
  119. LUKE, GET OUT OF MELISSA MCCARTHY’S KITCHEN.
  120. No, Lorelai, you haven’t thanked Luke for hosting Tuesday Burger Day, in fact, I don’t think you’ve given him so much as a hug in nine years.
  121. Leave Emily alone, Rory, she’s just having a sleep in.
  122. Don’t you know she was married to Richard for fifty years??
  123. Stop bitching about Grandma and put the poem back in the gazette.
  124. ‘Stars Hollow: The Musical that would get a standing O at any primary school’
  125. There is an unrealistic representation of redheads in the DAR.
  126. It’s probably because they ran out of guys.
  127. I can’t believe Rory replaced that ancient computer with a brand new Macbook, it probably set her back a couple of Logan’s thou.
  128. Yasss Jess is back!
  129. “How did you bag the job?”
  130. She didn’t turn it down, Jess, it’s amazing how many jobs you can get when you don’t turn them down.
  131. Rory must be so pissed that Jess is a successful author.
  132. Oh, you are broke Rory??
  133. Fascinating. Did you find that brand new 15” Macbook Pro in the Coles bargain bin??
  134. Rory don’t talk down the teaching profession, you’re currently unemployed.
  135. Yaass Rory, write a book, then make a TV show, let’s go full circle. #girlmoregirlception
  136. Yeah, stay seated, Jack, Lorelai will get her own San Pellegrino.
  137. Emily is such a sour biatch to Lor.
  138. That gravestone would cost more than my car.
  139. Seriously, how can Rory afford rent when she’s the editor for the Stars Hollow Gazette??
  140. BECAUSE SHE’S GOING TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT HER LIFE BISHES
  141. Oops, no she’s not, Lorelai ain’t givin’ her no permish for that shiz.
  142. Ok Lorelai is so mean about Jess, he wears blazers now.
  143. Who let Lane get mum hair?
  144. Rory probably paid her to do it with her imaginary income stream.
  145. Rory you can’t break up with someone who’s engaged to someone else.
  146. Apple is definitely a sponsor this season
  147. Leaving for three weeks to recreate ‘The Wild’ book is definitely code for marrying Christopher in Paris.
  148. You can’t fool us Lorelai. We’ve been here four times before.
  149. What a fab place to end an episode.
  150. Ok, if Melissa McCarthy doesn’t show up for more than 6 seconds in this episode, I’ll sue.
  151. Like, I’m not even joking, try me Amy Sherman-Palladino, I’ve got almost nothing to live for now that Grey’s Anatomy has gone to the dogs.
  152. Plot twist, Lorelai isn’t shacking up with Christopher; she’s actually going hiking because nothing clears your mind like the beauty of nature and third-degree sunburn.
  153. Lorelai is every year 7 on school camp. Except she DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THERE.
  154. Oooh there’s a storm coming and people might die – nice try Amy, but you can’t die if you’re rich.
  155. Lorelai’s definitely still going though, because if there’s one thing this show’s taught us it’s that women are fiercely independent beings, and that if a man offers you large sums of money, you take it.
  156. Oooh yes, more Jess time, let’s see how many girlfriends he can mistreat in the next 16 seconds.
  157. Give him relationship advice, Jess. Tell him to fight a swan.
  158. Luke’s so lost without Lorelai.
  159. It’s like when Claire died on McLeod’s Daughters just as Alex was about to propose.
  160. And like that time a tree fell on Alex on his way home from the airport and he filmed himself dying so Stevie would never have a full night’s sleep again.
  161. McLeod’s Daughters is the most underrated show that’s ever been on television.
  162. Mhmm - Jess can pull my modem out.
  163. Yass finally, something we can relate to—boxed wine solves errrrthing.
  164. Stars Hollow is gaw-juss in autumn.
  165. THE LIFE AND DEATH AND BAGS OF MONEY BRIGADE.
  166. Finn makes the Australian accent so sexy. Like that guy they interviewed on the Today Show last week that chased a car in his undies. #straya
  167. Petition to make him the next Bachelor, spouse or not. #whatwouldRorydo
  168. Leave Rory alone, Logan, she needs to find a nice SINGLE man.
  169. How much fkng money do these men have??
  170. If I had a dollar for every time someone handed me the keys to a mansion with a cook and a cleaner so I could watch Youtube videos nine hours a day, I’D HAVE NO DOLLARS.
  171. I hate when I go out with my friends and they buy the entire hotel.
  172. Omg Rory no, don’t get frisky with the taken man. Where’s the strong independent woman your mother raised??
  173. Probably accepting job offers in a parallel universe.
  174. HOW CAN RORY AFFORD TO SUMMON A CAR, SHE’S THE EDITOR OF THE STARS HOLLOW GAZETTE.
  175. Let this man go, Rory.
  176. Do not kiss him again.
  177. For Christ’s sake.
  178. Who is this poor broad Logan is cheating on thrice a week?
  179. Have you no respect, Rory?
  180. (Have you no debt, Rory?)
  181. ANOTHER Parenthood cameo.
  182. IT’S LAUREN GRAHAM’S REAL LIFE LOVERRR. (Stop flirting, Lorelai, this isn’t the real life.)
  183. These people literally throw money away.
  184. Luke just fed a steak to the dog.
  185. Aww Luke thinks Lorelai is going to leave him.
  186. He probably watched the trailer too.
  187. Plot twist: “I think we should get married”.
  188. Thank gawd, the trailer made it look like they were fo’ sho’ breaking up.
  189. Emily is F-I-E-R-C-E in casual wear.
  190. Why do they keep playing the theme song in the middle of episodes??
  191. Aww Rory’s going to write her book in Richard’s office. (What a creepy bitch.)
  192. She’s already written the bloody book.
  193. Throw it at her Lorelai!
  194. ‘The Gilmore Girls’ – how on earth did Condé Nast not make you Editor?
  195. Yes, let’s celebrate Rory’s abject defiance of her mother’s privacy with a box of pop tarts.
  196. How are they both not dead from type 2 diabetes yet?
  197. YES, EMILY EXPLOSION. EMILY WILL EAT BIKKIES WITHOUT A SERVIETTE IF SHE DAMN WELL WANTS TO.
  198. The pop culture references, the sass, EMILY IS LORELAI.
  199. Meanwhile, Rory is totally having a secret meeting about the book.
  200. Or she’s pregnant.
  201. Nope, it’s Christopher!!
  202. Another rich family member. You go Rory.
  203. Where’s GG?
  204. Christopher is bragging about how much money he has. “Do you need some money? I have lots of money”
  205. Take it Rory.
  206. “I like your office”, of course you do Rory, it cost more than your childhood.
  207. DEAN. You saucy beast. Your hair is delicious.
  208. Why are you asking if he’ll be in your book Rory? You’re just going to put him in there anyway.
  209. MELISSA MCCARTHY YAAAAAAAAAAAAS. We can all die now.
  210. Aaaaand she’s gone.
  211. Look at Emily putting on canvas shoes, her psychological transformation is VERY evident.
  212. She works at the museum for Christ’s sake. Someone tell Rory to quickly add a epilogue to her memoir.
  213. Don’t let her publish the book, Lorelai. Give her some money to stop, she loves that shit.
  214. Oh no, Jess and Rory are going to end up together. #unpopularopinion #teamPaul #justjoking #teamKirk
  215. HE NEVER TREATED YOU RIGHT RORY.
  216. HE PUNCHED A SWAN.
  217. At least Lorelai’s taking Rory with her when she elopes this time.
  218. The wedding decorations are definitely where they blew the McCarthy budget. It’s almost worth it.
  219. Emily deserves all the happiness in the world; in fact Emily deserves her own spin-off.
  220. Lol Paul dumped Rory.
  221. “I treated him so badly” “No you didn’t, Rory”. YES YOU DID RORY.
  222. What happened to baby Gilmore?
  223. She’s had everything short of a single boyfriend handed to her on a silver platter.
  224. Even the infamous last four words.
  225. “Rory’s up the duff.”
  226. This show has gone full circle.
  227. I can’t wait to watch Logan try and break up Rory & Jess’ relationship in twenty years, therefore causing long-term psychological damage to Lorelai Gilmore IV who’ll never be able to accept paid employment, just generous financial donations from a string of authoritative male figures.
  228. But I don’t care because I am so god damn impressed with how many cast members they managed to bring back.
  229. Take note, Grey’s Anatomy.

Image Credit: Netflix

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