Waiter, there’s a doughnut in my milkshake!
Unless you’ve been hiding under a lactose intolerant rock, you’ll have noticed things have gone a bit cray cray in milkshake land. Just blending in a few cookies is so passé; cafes Australia wide are now taking their dairy delights to the next level, serving up seriously drink-porny milkshakes topped with doughnuts, pretzels, lemon meringue and marshmallow mountains.
To help you prepare for this weekend’s blowout, here are the supershakes bringing all the boys (and girls) to the yard—the stuff of #cheatday dreams and the nemesis of clean eaters. Instagrammers, go!
Little ol’ Canberra kicking off what just might be the food trend of 2015, who woulda thunk it? If it weren’t already our nation’s capital, we’d be staging a sugar-fuelled protest.
The cafe responsible for kicking off the freakshake frenzy is newcomer Pâtissez, and for that we say ‘Hell freakin’ yeah!’ On the menu are five towering, overflowing regulars, topped with such delights as marshallow, pretzels, pecan pie, caramelised puff pastry, and actual clouds of whipped cream and crème pâtissière. These bad boys need to be seen to be believed!
Keep an eye out for the Freak of the Week too, like Pork Star: a maple roasted butternut pumpkin hot shake with bourbon whipped cream, crispy maple bacon, pumpkin pastry puff, and Canadian maple syrup. Sweet baby cheeses.
Pâtissez are now encouraging moderation (cough) by adding mini freakshakes to the menu. So now I can order two, right?
According to Aki Daikos, Co-owner of Foodcraft Espresso & Bakery in Erskinville, “we’ve created a monster.” Their specific monster comprises of four maxed-out freakshakes, all topped off with one of their famous, house-made Tella ball doughnuts filled with Nutella, salted caramel, vanilla bean ricotta, or mixed berry jam. How’s this for numbers: they sell around 1000 shakes Tuesday through Friday, and 2000 Saturday and Sunday. They also recently went through 102kgs of Nutella in one day for their shakes alone. Literally nuts!
XS Espresso are also drawing the sweet seekers in Wetherill Park with their aptly named Monster and Volcano shakes. The Volcano literally oozes rivers of chocolate from its molten lava cake, while other shakes are topped with such nomness as Oreos, whipped cream peaks, M&Ms, Kit Kats, Caramello Koalas and chocolate waffles. They’ve also done miraculous things with cronuts. BRB, just booking my flight.
Located in the Macquarie Centre, The Vogue Cafe blends some serious belt busters, pimped up with the likes of fairy bread, tiny teddies, treat filled waffle baskets, and rocky road. Or DIY your own milky masterpiece with the ‘crunch it your way’—a chocolate milkshake served with a syringe of coffee, a Cornetto cone, Crunchie ice cream and other goodies.
(Psst. This might just be our favourite research topic, which is why you should most definitely check out this round up we prepared earlier of Sydney’s best maxed out milkshakes).
Down south, it’s gone wild over Essendon way, where Johnny Pump’s been doing a mean trade in Dessert Shakes. They’ve got six regulars, and mix things up with a weekly special. The most popular is the brownie and Nutella because, brownie and Nutella guys! Make tracks this week for the limited edition banana and Belgian waffle. We’re pumped, Johnny!
Hawthorn’s Muharam cafe get props for punning with Nut-Tellin’—a Nutella shake topped with a Nutella filled doughnut, served in a mason jar trimmed with hundreds and thousands. Come Monday, they’re ramping things up even more with their peanut butter and jelly shake—a peanut butter milkshake topped with a jam doughnut and Reese’s Pieces. Deep. Breaths.
At least Princes Hill cafe Naughty Boy is helping us be a little bit good, by saving its saccharine specials for the weekend. The shake changes weekly, so check out their Facebook page to pre-plan your visit. We’re still pretty shaken up that we missed the Nutella ‘fudge jar’ option with pecan pie, toasted marshmallows, peanut brittle and butterscotch cream.
So, Grand Trailer Park Tavern and Truck Stop Deluxe aren’t strictly in the freakshake category. But their slimline vessels of deliciousness are topped with things like toffee shards and Kinder Surprise, and their shakes are hard (as in full of hard liquor), so that gets them a special mention in my books.
Meanwhile in the Sunshine State, Doughnut Time are not only slaying us with some of Brisbane’s best doughnuts, they’ve upped the ante with their so-pretty-it-hurts shakes. Mixing things up every few weeks with a handful on offer at any time, these milkshakes have got an actual ICED DOUGHNUT in them people! Plus a mountain of marshmallows or fairy floss. What of it?
The Camp Firewood s’mores shake is the stuff of legend, with ‘mallow fluff skittering across the top, as well as brownie bites and Flake pieces. Yup, DT are running rings around the competition with their devilish doughnut-dunked delights.
Want s’more? Check out this spiffing list of literally-can’t-even Brissie shakes we created earlier.
Not to be outdone, things are getting pretty damn freaky in the westsiiiide milkshake dept too. No best milkshakes list would be complete without paying respects to Whisk Creamery, who took out prize position in @idrinkmilkshakes’s recent top 9. Why are their Gourmet Shakes so freakin’ good? They’re made with a mix of Whisk’s homemade gelato and milk, making them thicker and colder than syrup-based shakes.
The star is hands down their Choc Mint Gourmet Shake, made from single origin Venezuela gelato, natural mint, creme fraiche and topped with mint meringue pieces. Totes worth the brain freeze.
Northbridge’s Babooshka ain’t no slouch either. Their Marshmallow Fruit Loop shake’s had rave reviews, but we have our eye on the ultimate prize. This beautiful behemoth landed last weekend. It’s a Krispy Kreme and Choc-coated Bacon Shake infused and stuffed with doughnuts and topped with pop rocks. Because you’re worth it.
Finally, Sapore Espresso Bar have six amped up gourmet shakes on the menu, including Turkish Delight, Bounty, and an epic Salted Caramel Popcorn number that literally makes my everything water. Keep an eye on their social media this week for the ‘Great Gourmet Shake-Up’, where you get to decide their next Gourmet Shake flavour.
Image credit: chloebeth3 via Doughnut Time Facboook