TV & Movies

41 Thoughts We Had During Episode 6 Of Love Island

By Millie Lester - 04 Jun 2018

love island australia


Welcome to another week of Instagram-Micro-Influencers-Get-Macro-Naked Island. After a solid week of sh*t all happening, everyone’s itching to see someone get their heart broken at the impending ‘Dumping Ceremony’, purely based on the length of their hair or whether they’re scrunchers or folders.

Here are 41 thoughts we had during last night’s episode of Love Island.

  1. The episode opens with Josh laying down some lyrical beats in the diary room which no doubt took him seventeen hours to put together—time he does have since Tayla needs about seven seconds of intimacy a day.
  2. Out by the pool, Eden confesses to the boys that being locked in a claustrophobic shipping container with a stranger and a box of strawberries was the most romantic thing he’s ever done.
  3. Meanwhile, over on the deck chairs, Erin confides in Josh that after all this time (five days) Eden is only in lust with her, not sell-my-house-quit-my-job-and-move-interstate love.
  4. The Irish recapper then does a quick roundup of which couples do actually have feelings for each other and which are, at best, estranged mixed doubles partners.
  5. Since his lustful confession in the shipping container of love, Erin’s keeping a tight rein on Eden around the other girls, especially Millie for reasons we’re unsure of.
  6. And for the first time in a week, someone’s in the bloody pool!
  7. Which still doesn’t justify why all eleven of them are in their swimmers from dawn till dusk with a full face of makeup.
  8. Josh and Tayla then stroke each other’s legs for exactly seven seconds. Josh is stoked with this little slice of action and reckons they could be high-fiving by sundown.
  9. When the seven seconds are up, Tayla heads to the diary room to tell the potato farmer voiceover man that she doesn’t get ‘fanny flutters’ from any of the boys... except the Crapp Man.
  10. Cassidy, being the good samaritan she is, pulls Erin aside to tell her she just caught an eyeful of Millie and Eden MAKING EYE CONTACT in the bathroom alone, which sends Erin into an uncontrollable rage.
  11. She swiftly backhands Cassidy in the noggin, who then apologises because she was dropped off at Stockholm Syndrome LONG ago.
  12. Eden then ‘identifies’ that Erin has cracked the shits with him and literally picks her up, throws her over his shoulder and takes her to the bedroom.
  13. Erin’s already melting because non-consensual contact is the HEIGHT of romance in the digital age.
  14. He then talks to her like an adult, not a parent whose favourite ceramic owl he just desecrated with a golf club, unlike the other 17-year-old tradies she’s had to deal with in the past.
  15. Meanwhile, long-haired Elias has unintentionally redeemed himself in Millie’s eyes by violently throwing her in the pool and basically treating her like the family labrador.
  16. John-James is bloody ropable because he thought he and Millie had a thing going on from all their chat about three-legged cats and blind rescue dogs.
  17. Elias then yells at Millie that he’s going to wipe the floor with her hair and she leans over to Kim and whispers ’I love that shit’ because what the hecking hell am I watching??
  18. Justin then takes Kim, Tayla and Millie into the bedroom to give them an Amsterdam sex show as there is literally nothing to do in the nudie villa, short of being thrown in the pool.
  19. Over in the bathroom, Tayla is teaching Grant how body bronzer can make your biceps really *pop*.
  20. And Grant screams ‘shit yeah’ and fist pumps the air, meanwhile Cassidy’s mum is somewhere banging her head against a wall.
  21. Cassidy hears about it all on the grapevine because the villa is basically a four-storey cesspool of gossip, and because Grant’s so in touch with his emotions, he asks Cassidy ‘wots wrong wi’ya ya mole?’.
  22. He then tells her that jealousy in unacceptable, even though he tried to shoot a poison dart at Elias’ jugular when Australia voted for him to take her on a date, but that’s not for here.
  23. Four seconds later, everyone’s dressed to the nines, ready for Sophie’s Dumping Ceremony.
  24. Grant’s licking Tayla’s ear in the bedroom and making a really good impression on whoever his future in-laws are.
  25. He then finds himself in the exact same spot with Cassidy mere minutes later where he casually explains that he’d say heck yeah if Tayla picks him because ‘if he didn’t give her a go too, he’d kick himself until the day he died’. HAVE A SLICE OF THAT ROMANCE, AUSTRALIA.
  26. Cassidy confides in Erin, who is fully pissed on behalf of both of them and looks ready to neck a baby with her bare hands.
  27. Cassidy is somewhat confused about the logistics of Grant having two girlfriends and it’s not until the sixth ‘can I steal you for a sec’ that he says ‘Cassidy, I’m dumping ya bum the second that other hag whispers my name by the pizza oven’.
  28. Meanwhile, Tayla has just remembered that she’s technically dating Josh who she now has to break up with. She tries to do it over text but apparently their phones are only enabled for nudes.
  29. Cassidy then confronts Tayla about her ‘sweet pea act’ and demands she drop it and start being the cold-hearted soulless husk of a woman she read about on Instagram.
  30. Sophie Monk then arrives for her weekly eleven second segment titled ‘hay gooiwz, how ya gowen’, and explains that seven minus six is one, therefore one person will be on the first flight back to Australia tonight.
  31. The formal Dumping Ceremony kicks off with Erin choosing Eden after being completely flawed by his gesture to make a porno in the shipping container of love.
  32. Controversially, Tayla chooses Grant and justifies it by saying she has to be true to herself, which Cassidy reminds everyone is NOT a sweet pea.
  33. No one bats an eyelid because we’ve seen it coming ever since Grant whittled ‘G <3 T 4eva’ into the pool tiles, but Sophie can’t bloody believe it because she’s only just now coming out of a six-day mojito bender.
  34. Much to everyone (with even a mild sense of decency)’s dismay, Grant has wasted no time in already taking swipes at Tayla’s crotch from the couch in front of Cassidy who is sobbing into a lettuce leaf.
  35. Left with a dog’s breakfast, Cassidy chooses Elias, who kindly gives her a sympathy squeeze back on the couch (but no crotch swipes).
  36. Tash then throws her alliance with Charlie to the curb and chooses Josh to couple up with.
  37. Kim CBF making an informed decision about who she’s going to allow to occasionally high-five her, and blindly chooses John-James because he looks like he generates some decent body heat in bed.
  38. Millie then cries under the guise that she has to send someone home, when really she’s f*cking livid that she’s stuck with her fifth and sixth choice.
  39. She then begrudgingly chooses Justin and tells Charlie to grow up and get some real-world experience that isn’t slipping into older women’s DMs.
  40. In the words of Green Day—wake me up when Love Island ends.

Catch up on all the Love Island drama here

Image credit: 9Now

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