If there’s one thing we know to be true, it’s that old mate Freud would have loved the Hen’s night; there’s no need to analyse when everything truly is shaped like a penis.
We’ve got some good news for those not so keen on peen-shaped straws, ear-piercing ‘Wooooos!’ and everyone’s favourite—the gyrating crotch of a stranger: there are other options. Know a hen that lives for a long lunch? How about the ‘can dance’ chook? Rejoice! There’s an option for each and every one.
BTW, bonus points and therapy tokens for those forced to watch the backyard stripper give Aunt Linda a lappy. Our condolences.
The Arty Hen
Painting class at Cork & Chroma
Ever wielded a paintbrush and wine glass at the same time? Your dreams (and that of your hen) are about to come true thanks to Cork & Chroma. These Surry Hills-based folk are all about free-wheeling creativity and those sweet ‘paint like no one is watching’ vibes.
Pack a bottle of wine (C&C are strictly BYO) and prepare to craft paintings like Starry-Night by Van Gogh, The Kiss by Gustav Klimt or your very own interpretation of the Sydney Opera House. Whether you join a public class or book a private event, you’ll have a fun night out that certainly beats the awkwardness of live, nude drawing.
The Master Chef
We’ve all followed a recipe from start to finish (some better that others) but how many of us can boast the ability to ferment our own vegetables or make our own jam? To quote the great poet Scribe, “Not many, if any”.
Take your hen to Cornersmith for a workshop that’ll broaden her culinary horizons. Classes include bread making (using natural sourdough yeast), smoking foods at home, wild soda crafting and our favourite, Tomato Day. If it’s fermentable, you’ll find it on the Cornersmith calendar.
The Boozy Hen
Vodka high tea at Food Society (now closed)
Know a hen that’s never met a vodka she didn’t like? Embrace your inner vodka conoisseur at Food Society’s Vodka High Tea where you’ll experience the best of both worlds: dainty, vintage saucers and the European, vodka-based lifestyle you’ve always coveted. Enjoy handmade sweet and savory canapés, single origin teas and the star of the show, house-infused vodka iced tea cocktails. The Vodka High Tea is available every Saturday between 12:30pm – 4:30pm so best book in quick sticks.
The Active Bride
Manly Kayaking tour
Admit it, we all know one of those gals who wears active wear to brunch with the legitimate intention of hitting the gym afterwards (they’re not just ‘decorative’ leggings people). When it comes time for The Active Bride to celebrate, a Manly Kayaking tour is sure to please. Their four-hour guided tour runs every weekend from 10am, but private tours are also available seven days. You’ll enjoy a scenic walk up Dobroyd Heads before kayaking around to Manly’s secret spots. Did we mention the tour includes a picnic lunch on the beach?
The Foodie Hen
Long lunch at Chiswick Woollahra
With a menu that’s been designed for sharing and a conveniently pretty garden location (for the pre and post lunch group photos), Chiswick is an easy choice for The Foodie Hen. After all, their menu is the epitome of fresh thanks to an in-house garden and head chef Tom Haynes (graduate of ARIA Sydney and long termer within Matt Moran’s team). We’re ordering the spanner crab caserecci (chili, garlic, basil) and Moran Family lamb (baby eggplant, chermoula) off the Autumn 2017 menu, assuming we’re invited to your next hens that is.
The Luxe AF Hen
Spa Day at Shangri-La
Is there anything better than a scrub down, rub up and all around queenly treatment? No. There isn’t. Not even Bey with the twins (please don’t hit us). CHI, The Spa at Sydney’s Shangri-La Hotel offer massages your Luxe AF Hen will love, from aroma journey to chakra healing, as well as body therapies like refining body toner and body balance salt glow. Top off your trip with a thermal infusing facial or samadara ultimate age defying facial and you’ll have one happy, glowing chook.
The I’m-Totally-A-Lady Hen
Langham High Tea
Pinkies up gals. We’re going classy today (they’ll be no 3am Maccas run for this hen). The Langham Hotels’ High Tea de jour is the Afternoon Tea with Wedgwood in the Palm Court (an offshoot to the hotels’ super swanky grand lobby). Your hen will enjoy light, airy spaces, Western Harbour views and tip-top service. With a tea resume stretching all the way back to 1865, The Langham is The Place for a pre-wedding nosh.
The Yogi Bride
Girls weekend At Billabong Retreat
The Billabong Retreat in Maraylya is an easy-breezy 45 minutes from Sydney (for the hen who hates to travel but lives for yoga and meditation) and is just… beautiful. Is the bride-to-be equally keen on pampering? Billabong host massages, facials and services like reiki, kinesiology and hypnotherapy. Finally, all meals are local, seasonal, organic and worth writing home about. Take that bucks boys.
The I’ll-Try-Anything-Once Hen
Sydney Trapeze School
Admit it, you’ve always wanted to know what it’s like up there on the trapeze. Well friends, it’s time to feel the thrill only airborne antics can bring you. For a hens outing with a twist, try a class (or make a private group booking) at the Sydney Trapeze School in St Peters. If the standard Flying Trapeze Class doesn’t sound the ticket, STS also offer silks and aerial hoop classes that’ll keep the group happy. Everyone’s welcome from beginners to practiced flippers, so prepare for calluses, we’re jumping (or flying) in.
The One That’s A Tad Cray
Axe Throwing at MANIAX
Often masquerading as the I’ll-Try-Anything-Once Hen, we can guarantee The One That’s A Tad Cray will go in for a full-body hug upon hearing of this gal’s night out (or something else, you never know with this one). Bury the hatchet and organise a group axe slingin’ sesh at MANIAX. You’ll get one-on-one coaching (safety first) and a few practice rounds before facing off in a double elimination battle. Throw on a Viking helmet and go at it (but maybe save cocktails for afterwards ‘kay?).
The Hen Who Can Dance (Or Can’t, Whatever)
Beyoncé/Justin Bieber/Rihanna Dance Class
Here to save you from yet another hen’s night at the bar is dance guardian angel and all around cool lady Amrita Hepi. Embracing the idea that dancing is universal, regardless of ability, Amrita’s dance classes are beginner friendly; gal-power focused and, take it from us, so bloody FUN. Previous classes have included ‘Formation’ and ‘Single Ladies’ choreography as well as Rihanna’s ‘Work’. Don your active wear and plant a big ol’ grin on that face; we’re here to boogie.
Amrita’s go-to classes featuring Beyoncé aren’t on the line up at time of writing, but Biebs is! Sign up to learn ‘Sorry’ or follow Hudson Ballroom (formerly Plan B Social Club, formerly Goodgod Small Club) on Facebook for future Bey-sightings.
The Bronzed Wannabe
Group booking at the Tan Temple Champagne Room
Show us a bride-to-be who doesn’t fancy a glowing look and we’ll show you a damn silly sausage. Who wouldn’t want to look like they’d just spent six days on a tropical beach? Tan Temple is perfect for those who want to make their next goddess appointment a lil’ extra special, thanks to a one-of-a-kind Champagne Lounge. Your booking of four or more will enjoy a complimentary bottle of bubbly before popping off for a bronzin’. Each tan is tailor sprayed and with digs this nice (no backroom nudity and polyester tent for you) you’ll be begging for the next proposal.
The Hen Who Won’t Make It To Midnight
Boozy Brunch at Darlo Country Club
We all know a gal who starts the night with a world of promise but gets ‘overstimulated’ and needs a little lie down (and perhaps a filet ‘o’ fish). Take her to Darlo Country Club for a boozy brunch we say!
Inspired by the relaxed sport and country clubs of the US, DCC will seem a world away from the bustle of Darlinghurst’s busy streets i.e. perfect for your induction to the Saturday brunch club. There are three options available but we can’t look away from the $65 Set Brunch menu (Bellini on arrival) or $85 Brunch and Bottomless Chandon NV tickets. Especially when the menu includes Nutella French toast.
Want to get away for your hens? Check out 28 Of The Most Amazing Glamping Spots Around The World
Design credit: Gabrielle Stjernqvist