Oh boys, sometimes you seem so clueless. With role models like Dan Bilzerian and The Candyman, it’s really no wonder you’ve been led astray.
And while there’s nothing wrong with those guys (*cough*), there’s a reason they can act that way—millions and millions of dollars!
But you’re better than that. So with the assistance of eligible bachelor, well-known gentleman, and our male confidante, Dylan Stoner, we’ve put together a list of watering holes Gold Coast males can hit when you need a helping hand. So here is the single guy’s guide to Gold Coast bars and clubs. Get out the pen and paper lads!
Justin Lane Rooftop
For the alternative, long-haired surfy type, get to Justin Lane to buy your girl a delightful cocktail and talk about life and like, you know, how the crashing waves just like, soothe your soul and the saltwater purifies your mind. This is also a great opening to actively follow her on Instagram so you can share surf-related quotes in the future and, obviously, leave heaps of cute emojis on all her selfies.
Where: 1708—1710 Gold Coast Highway, Burleigh Heads
K Bar and Meze
The last Sunday of each month, K Bar and Meze put on a pig on the spit (which, regardless of females, you need to experience). I can’t include what Dylan wrote here because it could affect his gentlemanly status, but what I will say is, if you’re after a REAL woman who isn’t afraid to stuff her face with gravy-covered pork rolls (yes, plural), get down to K Bar. There’s nothing sexier than a woman who can out-eat you.
Where: 2557 Gold Coast Highway, Mermaid Beach
Unless you’ve spent the past five years between the gym and the tattoo parlour, you should probably give this one a miss. But if you fit these criteria, once you spot your dark-lipped girl with stretchers big enough to, um, hold your phone in, engage target. She’ll probably give you a bit of attitude but don’t be put off—persistence is key. We will warn you though, with the accumulated pain of all the piercings, tattoos, and accidental studded clothing related injuries, she’s probably tougher than you and will flatten you with one swift throat punch.
Where: Shop 4, 28 Chairlift Ave, Nobbys Beach
You may need to pretend to be someone you’re not, to pick up one of the fancy girls here. Suit up, flash some cash and make up some bogus cover story about how your Dad invented Google or something. Plus, the distinct lack of a dance floor at Stingray Bar makes it hard for you to embarrass yourself so, get that shady lean-on against the bar, and wait for the women to come to you.
Where: QT Hotel, 7 Staghorn Avenue, Surfers Paradise
You’ll also most likely pretend to be someone you’re not here, with a shocking strike rate—for you anyway. East and the group of girls you were desperately trying to impress last night are laughing all the way to the bank, son! Most nights here will end with you trying to be a baller and ordering six litres of Belvedere, only to wake up the next morning completely alone and with a $2,000 credit card bill. I will note, Dylan speaks tearfully now. The jest has disappeared and his eyes act as the doorway to a bitter and painful past…
Where: 88 Surf Parade, Broadbeach
The Avenue is probably your best shot at finding “The One”. Put simply, someone who’s in your league and is willing to bust out some old school tunes with you. Someone who will actually knock your socks off with her in depth and superior knowledge of the Rugby League and ability to scull a schooner. Yep, you’ve found yourself a keeper. Until you wake up the next morning and realise she’s actually your mum’s co-worker of 20 years and she was at your fifth birthday. Still get her number obviously, but leave that lost love in the past.
Where: 4 Orchid Avenue, Surfers Paradise
Picture it: you’re mid taco at Bonita Bonita when you spot a girl across the room, with a group of her friends, and a table covered with empty margarita glasses. You lock eyes, wipe the excess taco off your face and nod your head towards BonBon Bar, where you both sneak out and unite like Jack and Rose in the underground cabin of the Titanic. You order her a drink and scooch up close, purely to hear what she’s saying but it works in your favour. Pure gentlemanly magic and with enough drinks, you might be able to convince her that’s not the only trick you’ve got. Sidenote: Dylan also wanted me to add a meat and taco related innuendo here but as you can see, I tastefully omitted it.
Where: 2460 Gold Coast Highway, Mermaid Beach
Photo Credit: Hayley Williamson for Metropolist