Funny

28 Reasons Why Being Single Is Awesome

By Sarah Joanna Pope - 12 Jan 2016


Desperate, alone, fuzzy teeth and red wine breath. Eventually to be eaten by your own cats...

KIDDING!

Being single is awesome and here’s why—28 reasons why, to be exact.

  1. It’s fun watching other couples fight! Just pull out the popcorn and enjoy the show.
  2. You get to fire off feminist mantras like Germaine Greer on speed. #youredoingyou
  3. Regaling your dinner party friends with totes hilar dating stories (while you cry on the inside, of course) “...and he kept sneaking off to the restaurant bathroom to get high! Haha-freaking-ha...”
  4. You get to read this dating bible.
  5. Swipey, swipe, swipe—reject! #Tinderno
  6. Swipey, swipe, swipe—free dinner! #Tinderyes
  7. Deciding which Sex and the City character you are. “Ooooh I’m suuuch a Miranda!”
  8. No chance of serious internal bleeding as a result of holding in farts.
  9. Not having to watch The Bachelor or Bachelorette to the sound track of eye rolling.
  10. Sleeping around...your bed. Any ol’ angle you want. My personal fave is “the diagonal.” Eeeveryone’s doing it.
  11. The potential to receive a late-night booty call text and feel young again. Then giggling and going back to sleep. #toobusydoingthediagonal
  12. Drinking wine any ol’ time. If no one's there to see it, is it really judged?
  13. No stoopid arguments, other than convincing the bartender to fill your wine glass properly. Is there a world wine shortage or something?
  14. Not having to pretend to like anyone’s moronic high school friends.
  15. No being assaulted by woodchipper-esque snoring.
  16. Not having to participate in the sham that is Valentine’s Day (unless someone sends you a present!).
  17. Snuggies. The official uniform of singledom—and depression.
  18. The close bond you are about to forge with your cats. It’s going to be meaningful.
  19. Eat, Pray and Love and all that. But keep it to yourself. Keep it inside. Please.
  20. Your new foster dog that loves you so much that a little bit of pee comes out (of the dog).
  21. Never being involved in the watching or discussion of any undesirable sports again. Ever.
  22. Beyonce songs—you feel that shit in your soul when you are single.
  23. First kisses. You’re-a-gonna get one!
  24. No more Christmas’ with someone else’s hillbilly family. #creepybanjomusic
  25. Flippin’ through channels, taking yo’ time. #reclaimtheremote
  26. Working on your Miss Haversham impression.
  27. Never having to hear the phrase “bros before hoes” again. See point number 14.
  28. Ticking off your bad-boy bucket list. Musician, bartender, DJ... Get it out of your system.

Ever wanted to know what your drunk food says about you?

Image credit: www.claytonladuerotary.org

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