Most of us spend 40+ hours at work per week. That is a lot of time in shared quarters with people who, let’s face it, you might not choose to spend 40+ hours with. Just saying…
Simply remaining sane at work requires a concerted effort to be patient and get along with your colleagues. However, years of office life have taught us that if you try to limit your own annoying office behaviour then work life will be just that little bit easier.
However, there’s always one; that annoyingly nonchalant colleague that never gets in on time, the never-read-the-office-policies guide type that asks for the Wi-Fi password daily, the one that always steals your car park and talks loudly on their phone at their desk. You definitely know the one.
If you’re that person, you’re probably not reading this list (because, like you care). But for the rest of us folk that give a few f**ks, here’s a list of 15 common office no-no’s that will certainly win you more enemies than friends.
#1. You printed out those passive aggressive posters and plastered them all over the toilets and kitchen reminding everyone to ‘keep calm and keep it clean’. Just accept that some people are utter grubs. You also likely have more cats than friends…
#2. You leave your lunch in the fridge for days (read: months) until it starts growing a new strain of penicillin. Everyone recognises your Tupperware brand. Everyone hates your guts.
#3. Requesting read receipts on emails when you don’t actually need one. You are the actual worst.
#4. Using all the printer paper to print (non-work related) documents, and not refilling the tray. Ever. Aside from the fact we should all be working towards a paperless society, you are a truly awful human.
#5. Eating a pungent meal at your desk (enter ANY strong-smelling food stuffs here). No one cares that you’re bulking or shredding or trialling a new diet endorsed by your naturopath. Please eat your tuna/left over take away curry/hard-boiled eggs alone and far away from human life.
#6. The smart-casual dress code is a minefield but under no circumstances is it ever, EVER okay to wear thongs to work. Ditto socks that don’t match—that’s just plain irritating. While we’re here, the Bjelke-Peterson era business shirts need to go, especially when paired with a tie that is about as depressing as his reign as Premier.
#7. Having tri-weekly work morning teas and not inviting the colleagues around you. We imagine it’s how a dog feels when humans eat dinner in front of them—torturous!
#8. Also, not organising/suggesting work morning teas at all. Why do we even come to work if not for Jenny from sales savoury muffins?
#9. You slept with the hot guy/girl from marketing at the Christmas party and you’ve dragged the rest of your team into your bitter and (very) public non-breakup breakup. Remember what your mum told you about shitting where you eat?
#10. People in meetings who ask questions that are a reiteration of what the person before just said to make said meeting go longer. It’s great that you were listening, but everyone else is imagining how to best assassinate you.
#11. Inspirational quotes and ‘energising’ backgrounds on emails. Yeah, they go directly into people’s junk mail.
#12. You always put your hand up for a coffee when someone goes on the daily caffeine run but you never actually offer to go yourself. People spit in your cappuccino.
#13. Engaging in awkward personal telephone conversations at your desk. Go somewhere private to book your Brazilian, colonic irrigation or fight with your mum, because no one gives a shit.
#14. Bitching and moaning about your work colleagues on social media, even though you’ve done most of things you’re whingeing about. What a hero.
#15. Suggesting regular team-building ‘structured’ activities. Once you leave the office each night your colleagues forget you exist. Deal!
Image credit: IGN