I know what the cynics are thinking. “Who are these silly pumpkins wasting their hard-earned money - they were never going to win it!” Well, the odds of winning the biggest jackpot in America were about one in 300 million. That's pretty good, right?
Sure, that means you had more of a chance of dying from using a right-handed product when you’re actually left-handed (7 million to one). And you had a better chance of getting murdered during a trip to the Grand Canyon (about 8 million to one). Also you had more of a chance of being burned to death by your own pyjamas spontaneously combusting (20 million to one). But who needs pyjamas anyway?
Here are 20 awesome things we’d do if we had won the billion dollar Powerball draw.
1. Buy an island or two. Maybe somewhere like the Bahamas or Fiji, somewhere summer-y ya know?
2. Rent out Disneyland for the day and invite all your friends and family to the happiest place on earth, then throw money at them to make them even happier and pay off all their debt accumulated, ever. Make it rain!
3. Buy a private jet that’s big enough to fit said family and friends. Fly to that private island. Party.
4. Buy or build the exact same modern, well-fitted apartment in every country in the world so when you travel in your private jet, there’s a home everywhere. With a stocked wardrobe. Ahhhhhh.
5. Sponsor the construction of a giant rocket ship, so if (or when) Earth goes down, you have an escape route.
6. Speaking of sponsoring – sponsor all the kids and the charities evenly between millions of dollars.
7. Buy a Picasso painting solely to recreate the Beyonce/Jay Z selfie.
8. Buy an electric Tesla sports car – because even if you are rich you still shouldn’t pollute or litter. I would judge you.
9. Shut down Chadstone for a day and hire personal shoppers for you and your best gals and guy friends. Don't look at any price tags.
10. Go to your favourite jewellery, shoe and clothing store. Buy one of everything in your size. Build a wardrobe big enough to hold all of it.
11. Buy a bigger house and use the old house as a wardrobe. YES.
12. Fit out said house with a private, full-sized cinema. Hire cinema attendants for a true gold class experience. Teach the attendants not to interrupt you during your screen time with Kimmy K.
13. In your spare time, hire someone to teach you how to grow avocados. Because that’s how much we like avocados.
14. Attempt to set up the ultimate party by hiring all your favourite celebrity actors, singers and dancers. Get shot down ‘cause Tay Tay don’t care how much money you have.
15. Buy out Ben and Jerry’s because you need all the ice cream to eat your money-fuelled sorrows away.
16. Commission all your favourite sports players to come play a match of your favourite game in your own backyard.
17. Pay someone to be your personal trainer for life – that way only one person has to witness the horror of you attempting a push-up. Make them sign a disclaimer.
18. Do a 'round the world foodie trip – from Norma in New York to the $14500 dessert from The Fortress in Sri Lanka. It’s adorned with an 80 carat Aquamarine gemstone. What do you mean excessive???
19. Buy a pet tiger. Hire someone to actually take care of it, please.
20. Attempt to collect all the books that were ever written to put into one colossal library. Mainly because I’m running out of ideas at this point.
Image credit: The Simpsons