Funny

34 Signs You're Old Before Your Time

By Martha Brooke - 05 Nov 2016

It’s 8:30pm on a Thursday night and you’re tucked up in bed with a face full of night cream and a hot cup of chamomile tea beside you. What has happened?!

Long gone are the Jäger-filled nights and irrational decisions. Those days have now been replaced with home-cooked meals, a well-deserved glass of wine (only one mind you!), and a whole lot of Tupperware.

If your life currently resembles any of the below then it might be time to start saving for that Zimmer frame…

1. You own a Kindle.

2. Hangovers last a long, long time.

3. Happy Hour translates to nap time.

4. Your Tupperware collection is immaculately sorted.

5. Your text messages are always grammatically correct.

6. You know when to stop drinking caffeine.

7. Sensible shoes are now part of your life.

8. You would rather be comfortable than stylish.

9. Large groups of teenagers scare you.

10. You think that all “house” music sounds the same.

11. Your nightly moisturiser routine resembles that of Mrs. Doubtfire.

12. You know how to speak wine.

13. And you buy a bottle based on flavours rather than sheer alcohol content.

14. Buying new towels excites you.

15. Your once, fast metabolism is starting to run away from you.

16. Your hummus recipe is sheer, culinary genius.

17. A herbal tea before bed is your saving grace.

18. You always get your eight hours.

19. Lacy undies? It’s comfort over sexiness.

20. You’d rather enjoy a nice meal out rather than hitting the clubs.

21. You’ve perfected your “oh, what a shame” to a tee, when people cancel plans.

22. Cheese and wine nights are a weekly occurrence.

23. You now own a pair of reading glasses.

24. You think that nothing beats a good book.

25. You are the “sensible” one out of your friends.

26. You were guilty of zooming in on Instagram before it became real.

27. You have to Google slang words and acronyms.

28. You actually worry about consequences.

29. You leave before an encore to beat the crowds.

30. You talk at the TV.

31. You eat three, regular meals a day.

32. You get socks for Christmas and are genuinely grateful.

33. You listen to “The Breeze”.

34. You own a flask. Not a hip flask, a coffee flask.

This article previously appeared on our sister site, The Urban List.

 

Photo Credit: Hayley Williamson for Metropolist

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