Funny

15 Thoughts You’ll Have During Flu Season

By Lisa Fromont - 07 Aug 2017

15 Thoughts You’ll Have During Flu Season

‘Tis the season of tissues, lozenges and “bless yous.” They say once you kick the flu, you upgrade into a superior human who’s immune to the virus, but—of course—the sickliness stays one step ahead, mutating around your immunity. So, every year we get the first-world zombie apocalypse that is flu season.

It has its upsides of course: pulling a sickie raises no questions from your boss, you get to cancel all your plans for a solo Netflix night, and…that’s about it. For the most part, flu season is miserable. From the anxiety of contagion, the coughing and sniffing when you catch it (yep, that’s when not if), to having nothing to do because your mates are too sick to drink Brisbane’s bars dry, the flu-pocalypse affects all of us. So, we’ve put together 15 things we’re all bound to experience this flu season—because misery loves company.

  1. Welcoming winter time like an old friend and saying goodbye to smooth, hairless legs, and hello to fluffy socks and long pants.
  2. Then being harshly reminded that winter is actually chilly. These QLD temperature fluctuations are the perfect breeding ground for deathliness.
  3. Walking into work and noticing tissue boxes on everyone’s desks. Suddenly it sinks in: flu season is upon us.
  4. Hand sanitiser is the must-have winter accessory. You keep a bottle everywhere: your bag, your car, your desk and your bra—because no one is safe.
  5. Your social life becomes a series of “I can’t come. I’m sick”. And people being sick, coming anyway, and exposing you to their germy existence.
  6. Noticing a slight scratch in your throat and the subsequent panic of knowing you’re doomed.
  7. The scratch becoming a cough, and then becoming a full blown flu meltdown. It got you.
  8. Regretting pulling a sickie last week because you should really go into quarantine this week.
  9. Quickly realising there are no perks to being sick. You get no sympathy because the entire city is also down with the flu, so you feel like a snotty-nosed leper.
  10. Being so blocked up that everything tastes like air so you live on a diet of Lemsip, Codral, Panadol and Strepsils.
  11. Naming your nose Usain Bolt because it’s so good at running (ayyyyy).
  12. Having a breakdown when you realise you’ve been taking your sinuses for granted your whole life.
  13. Getting a doctor’s note from your GP who you notice has a new watch. Business is good, huh?
  14. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel when you notice you’re only going through one box of tissues a day instead of two.
  15. Coming out the otherside immune, invincible and unafraid. Until next year.

Image Credit: The Big Bang Theory

Our best stories, direct to your inbox, helping you to out-trend your mates every weekend...

Tags:

Funny

You May Also Like