Exciting news broke earlier this week that a Disneyland on the Gold Coast might one day be a thing. While the possibility of a looming mouse invasion has rekindled our hopes of a bona fide Brisneyland, but we can’t help thinking that the money could be invested more prudently.
The average cost of setting up a monolithic theme park is well up in the hundred millions, or one month’s salary if you’re a billionaire. Just imagine what the charitable whimsy of a kindhearted billionaire could bring us…
Not an entirely unreasonable request considering that Haigh’s is an Australian Company that’s been operational since before World War I. Clive Palmer could rustle us up a cheeky Haigh’s from the loose change behind the sofa on his private jet. Be a sport, Clive, Brisbane sure would appreciate some Haigh action in the sunshine state, ya dig?
Another sterling example of homegrown excellence managing to completely bypass our state’s capital, Messina managed to make it as far as Coolangatta before it set up shop and refused to budge. Short of coaxing it 100kms upwind to Brisbane, it would probably be cheaper to give Brisbane its own.
We need a J. Crew. I’m not going to waste too much time enumerating the innumerable benefits of having a J. Crew store in Brisbane because I feel like it’s the fairly accepted opinion of the populace that we should just have one.
This might seem like just another department store to throw some punches in the David Jones/Myer skirmish, but Selfridges will raise you Anya Hindmarch and a Gucci collaboration worth losing the tax free benefits of ordering from the UK.
A Percy Pig Concept Store
Fact: there is nowhere in Australia that sells Percy Pigs by the metric tonne. Rather than build a monolithic testament to animated films why not redirect the funds into a happiness palace of all the Percy Pig confectionary our greedy jowls could ever need.
The London Eye
HA! Just kidding, The Wheel of Brisbane shits all over the London Eye.
I don’t know about you but when it comes to slightly bohemian home furnishings IKEA isn’t much of a mustard cutter. It’s time to crank the quirk up full and invest in some transcendent wall hangings and fairy lights, enter Urban Outfitters and the faux-indie, bohemian-esque lamp department. Saves us the effort of actually becoming bohemians.
‘But we already have supermarkets and food courts and delicatessens’ ALL UNDER ONE ROOF THOUGH? This town is being positively starved of the majesty of the cornucopic offerings of a Whole Foods food court. Furthermore, where in Brisbane can you buy whole cherry pies on the reg? I’d seriously become a Mormon if I could do my mission at Whole Foods.
Yeah we know Brisbane already has approximately 134,567 burger joints and many of them are actually great. But seriously, there is still definitely room for the New York burger goodness that is Shake Shack and their mega thickshakes. Bring.It.On.
What have we missed? Hit us up!
Image credit: Haigh's Chocolates